Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.
~~Kahlil Gibran
Now, more than ever, people need to understand the soul. It is what gets us through the toughest times; the soul not only helps us survive, it also helps us thrive.
But why are some people more resilient than others? Why do some rise to a challenge while others shrink back or fall down altogether?
Researchers have long attempted to answer these questions. They have generated lists of characteristics and other factors they assume drives a resilient soul, but no one has been able to note just what makes the difference. The problem? They’re not looking deep enough—they are looking at the human, not the soul that resides within them.
C.C. Scott, “The Mother of Coaching”, said “The human spirit is stronger than anything that can happen to it.” She knew people either sank or swam while coaching them to lead businesses. She also knew that something deep within them ran the show—it was often not their intellect or education that helped them prevail. It wasn’t just the skills they had been taught or the knowledge they had, it was the way in which (and whether) they used them that made all the difference.
The soul drives us forward. It is the force that wants to survive. Our instinct kicks in to navigate the many trials and tribulations of the human condition. It is far stronger than our mind as it exercises a sense of knowing deep within us. It is often when our head or heart gets in the way that we fall or fail. It is true that our mind and capacity for love inform our instincts as we gather mental and emotional tools, but it is our ability to listen deep within and trust our inner self that allows us to overcome even the most difficult involvements within our human state.
The resiliency of the soul is the foundation of its evolution. As humans undergo daily life, we are constantly faced with challenges—both big and small. We must traverse them like an obstacle course that never looks the same. Each day brings its own tests and it is up to us to discover what lies within in order to overcome everything that we face outside of us. Each triumph adds to our resiliency and provides even more knowledge and tools to move to the next level.
A little known fact…
I worked for a Catholic convent for nearly five years when I was in graduate school. That might surprise many, but it provided one of the best opportunities to grow as a young professional. A fellow student approached me at the end of the first year in my master’s program. He had been working as a Treatment Coordinator for a brain-injured nun and because he was graduating that year, he was charged with finding a replacement. The job entailed managing and developing a 24 hour care program for a nun who had been injured in an athletic event. She had a brain injury that created untreatable short-term memory loss, so she could no longer function on her own. I interviewed for the job and accepted the position.
The nun’s experience of life very much looked like a broken record. She got through the day, but “relived” it endless times as she asked what she had just done and what she was about to do over and over again. The job entailed finding people who were patient enough to become caregivers on a 24 hour basis. It also involved finding creative ways to help cue her to think for herself so she wouldn’t have to ask. It was about making her more independent as she continued in life. She had been a very active individual, having taught physical education as part of the convent’s women’s college, so exercise remained an important part of her life. Her drive to live despite her deficiencies was nothing but inspirational.
I met lots of nuns during that time. One, named Corrine, led a monthly spiritual women’s group for graduate students. I attended the gathering which was held at one of the nun’s homes. Each of us would bring a dinner item to share and we took turns leading a spiritual discussion of some sort. I don’t remember the topic that Corrine led that particular night, but somehow we got on the subject of stress—probably because all of the students were likely experiencing something significant in our studies. She said, “Well, as long as you have one nostril above water, you’re doing pretty well.”
I think of that statement often. I have no idea what she had experienced in her long life, but the ability to light-heartedly look at the challenges of life stuck with me. While this doesn’t do much to explain why some are resilient and others are not, it does lend a humorous and comforting image for some aspect of why we stay afloat.
From the human side of resilience, many things come into play. According to various studies, the top characteristics of someone who is resilient include ability to adapt, optimism or positive outlook, ability to solve problems, flexibility in coping, persistence, self-awareness, use of a variety of effective coping mechanisms, adequate social support, perseverance, self-awareness and the willingness to learn from challenges. Some of these characteristics are learned through a person’s upbringing, yet others come naturally for some individuals.
This is where the soul comes in—a person’s soul may already be resilient regardless of upbringing, circumstances or experience in the current lifetime. For instance, related to soul age—the emotional maturity and wisdom a person inherently holds—this factor can play an integral role in whether a person is able to overcome their challenges with relative ease. The older the soul, the less affected they are by life’s challenges—even if knocked down, they tend to recover fairly quickly and do so on their own volition. In contrast, someone who carries many deep soul wounds may have a particularly difficult time managing and resolving their reactions. A person’s astrological personality can also play a part, as does past life trauma. While each of these factors warrants much more explanation to fully understand, just thinking about additional influences can open the door to expand your awareness.
Like any other aspect of the human condition that challenges us, we must look at it from a body, mind AND soul perspective to more fully understand how we function. As humans, we face numerous challenges—some so small that we don’t even recognize them as such. Others are more obvious and scary. Regardless of the difficulty, our soul is both our best ally and warrior in getting through. It provides the answer for both why we struggle and why we do or don’t thrive.
For years, my mission has been to teach people about their souls. Our innermost self’s health and vitality builds the foundation of all that we are. The idea of conscious evolution—the ability and willingness to put effort into our growth—propels us ahead. In this way, our head, heart and soul work together to create unstoppable resiliency. Many things affect our resiliency—past experiences, our willingness to heal and grow, our soul age—emotional maturity, our astrological personality—the characteristics and lessons we brought into this lifetime and more. The more we know our soul, the more resilient we become.
Inspirational quotes have always bolstered my growth and added comfort to trying times. Author, Vivian Greene, said “Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass but learning how to dance in the rain.” She emphasized the need to put to creative use what you already know will make the storm pass more easily.
“When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.” President Henry Ford said this as he addressed the idea that life isn’t always easy, but if you know the direction you need to go you can push through the “headwind” to get there.
Finally, Eleanor Roosevelt—
one of my favorite inspirational women said, “You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” While we have a choice whether or not we forge ahead, in doing so we evolve. Our resilience builds as we face what we think we cannot face and only then can we appreciate the capacity of our soul to prevail even in the most challenging of times.
Belief in the resiliency of our soul is called for right now. Uncertainty will always be a part of life, but a resilient soul will rise above any challenge to evolve beyond anything the human condition can throw our way. While life is serious business, a light-hearted touch will ease and soothe our inner ally as it emerges stronger than ever before.
For more information regarding the soul side of resilience, watch the video provided in the link below
Katherine T. Kelly Ph.D., M.S.P.H.
With 35+ years of direct clinical experience, Dr. Kelly doesn’t just believe in helping others to heal; instead, her mission is to help them to evolve. Using her own integrative and trademarked framework—the Soul Health Model—Dr. Kelly approaches her work with clients from a “whole person” or “whole organization” perspective. She provides a uniquely progressive, yet down-to-earth approach and is well-known in therapeutic, medical and corporate communities. She thrives as she helps clients and organizations to reach what she calls “conscious evolution” through a variety of self-designed strategies. Her dedication to healing has been widely recognized as she was the recipient of the Provider of the Year Award by the regional Mental Health Association and was nominated as an Incredible Woman for a local community television network, which spotlights role models to inspire young women to pursue their own passions.